


When The Bell Tolls

by Josselyn



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 15:04:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16286831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josselyn/pseuds/Josselyn
Summary: I knew it was over as soon as the bullet caused me to fall backwards off of my horse. A cry of pain escapes my lips as my body hits the ground. Streams of scarlet cover my blue coat. Time passes slowly and fast at once as numerous thoughts race through my head.





	When The Bell Tolls

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on the song When The Bell Tolls by Anthony Ramos. Lyrics ar in brackets [like this]

[I wrote a letter to my granddaughter  
I said I’m sorry I don’t get to meet ya]

The last letter I wrote was for the most part directed to my daughter. The guilt was still present when I thought of her and how she would have to grow up without a father figure. My wife, who was most likely going to be a better role model, would be with her though and they would be happy enough without me. I still wondered how good of a father I would’ve been.

[I wrote a letter to my grandmother  
Said I really can’t wait to see ya  
In heaven]

I remember sitting on her lap as a child after my father would scold me for one reason or another. I never seemed to be able to please him. She would always assure me everything would be all right. That I would grow to be a fine young gentlemen despite my fathers’ beliefs otherwise. I hope i made her proud.

[I heard there’s a river of gold that flows through a crowd of angels  
To a city that knows no pain, no fear or anger]

She also told me, whilst laying in her deathbed sick, about the paradise people go to in the end. I never doubted her and that remains the same. I imagined the city and sighed. Would I go there? Fear courses through me at the thought of the other place my father warned me about when I Would misbehave. Was I good enough for that beautiful city?

[And I’m sitting here in my tears praying  
Oooh,father won’t you please forgive this soldier]

A few silent tears run down my face as I try to lift my hands. My strength is gone however so I just pray for forgiveness. I never was one for praying unless something particularly good or bad occurred. Was this wrong? I know I’ve done horrible things in my life so perhaps my apologies would be ignored.

[He claims that what he’s doing is for you  
Father I can feel you getting closer]

I feel myself slipping away. The pain is decreasing and my eyes start closing slowly. I did this for you ma, Alexander, even you dad. I’m sorry I wasn’t the son you asked for. The war is finally over though. Perhaps I did assist this nation somewhat.

[And I’m not ready  
But we don’t choose]

I could’ve done more though. We are free but slaves continue to be traded and owned like property. I know there is no more I can do. It’s time to go and I can’t stop it. Maybe one day everyone will have equal rights. Maybe one day people will be treated as human beings, like they all deserve.

[When the bell tolls  
When the bell tolls]

I hear the slight sound of a bell in the distance. Could it be from a church? No. Am I hearing things? There are no churches in the middle of nowhere.

[I thought I’d only ever see it on the tv  
I never thought it would be me]

Storries and legends of brave heroes and soldiers run through my head. All of them lived on to do great things. What about the ones who died before that could happen? The forgotten ones who were never appreciated? Now I understand Alexanders’ fears. Why he was willing but secretly afraid to die before he could accomplish all of the great things I knew he could. All of my friends were wonderful and though I don’t get to see our glory, I’m sure it would’ve been as great as we imagined it. I remember the times we’ve had and a sad smile creeps onto my lips. Drinking, fighting, talking, we all did everything together.

[Now I’m layin here beggin you for mercy  
Wondering if you’ll leave or see me through these  
Blood stains]

I feel the blood rushing out of my body and I plead once more. There’s a million things I’ll never do. I need more time. Please, just a few more years. There’s no use for self-pity however. Even if someone did find me, I know enough to realize the blood loss is too much to live through. My story ends here.

[Take me with my mistakes  
You’re who’s left with this pain  
From heaven]

The pain decreases to a slight tingle as my vission blurrs. Almost time then? Where’s the light everyone talks about? I am no longer scared. This statement runs through my mind as I try and assure myself of this. Here comes true freedom.

[With a ray from a river of gold that flows through a crowd of angels  
To a citty that knows no pain, no fear or anger]

I feel myself rise from the ground, though somehow my body remains unmoving and useless. I see it, the light. It’s right ahead of me. I go up a few more inches. Here it comes.

[Now I’m lyin here in my tears prayin  
Oooh, father won’t you please forgive this soldier]

I guess I did do enough good things to go to the paradise. I still ask to be forgiven one last time for my mistakes. I rise more and almost all of the connection to my body vanishes.

[He claims that what he’s doing is for you  
Father I can feel you getting closer]

I see a young, familiar looking girl floating in front of me. She has my fathers’ hair but the gentle features of my mother are hard to miss. “Brother,” she whispers, smiling softly and reaching out a hand. I stare at it, rising a bit more but not taking her offer. Her expression grows concerned and she glances behind her. What is she looking at? I try and look but I can’t see past her and the bright light.

[And I’m not ready  
But we don’t choose]

No, I can’t die yet. Giving up wasn’t in my nature and it wasn’t going to be. I grit my teeth and try to go back into my body. After a few tries I manage to do so. The pain that follows is nearly unbearable. I feel tears rushing down my face as I try and handle it. I’m a soldier. I can do this right? I rise again with a sigh of defeat. Too much pain and no chance of survival.

[When the bell tolls  
When the bell tolls]

I gasp in surprise as my grandmothers’ kind face greets me this time. Her appearance has lost the stress of aging. She gives me a reassuring smile and reaches out a hand. I hear the sound of a gate opening slowly and the bell from earlier.

[When the bell tolls  
When the bell tolls]

She smiles behind her as I shakily reach for her hand. I’m ready. People cheer, the gate opens fully and the bell grows louder as I rise towards my grandmother. Among the welcoming voices I hear friends from the battlefield, my siblings and my mother. I get closer, now only a few inches away from my grandmas’ outstretched hand.

[When the bell tolls  
When the bell tolls]

I can also hear distant crying. Everyone still on Earth who was there for me in life now stand together, laughing and crying at storries about me. I smile softly and whisper one last thing to them. “I’ll see you on the other side.” My body goes numb and I enter the gates. The people hug me and shake my hand. An almost overwhelming sense of happiness goes through me. I laugh and fly around with everyone, admiring the paradise and the shimmering river. I missed my friends and wife but they’ll be here one day too. Meanwhile, I wait and watch over them with everyone else up here. Sure, we don’t choose who lives or dies and who remembers us but it is a happy moment when the bell tolls.


End file.
